liTo_jAy_XD's Xanga

All Time Low..

Thu, 14 May 2009 04:30:19 GMT

The hardest part about an all time low is knowing you have to pick yourself up with the possibility of failing again. And realizing that the only line of defense between you and failure.. is yourself, and no one else.

How am I supposed to overcome this..? I'm just.. average. Officially my least favorite word in the whole English language. Average.

That Green Gentleman (Thing's Have Changed)

Sun, 25 Jan 2009 01:17:36 GMT

So if it wasn't bad enough that I felt like the bad guy after our relationship, turns out I was made into one in everyone's eyes. Promises? Friends? Please, don't make me laugh. Friends don't do this to other people. And if I'm going to made into this kind of character, then that's the person I'll play, at least to you guys. I'm mostly disappointed in the people who I thought were my friends and that I could somewhat confide in. But I guess this shows just how much people can be trusted to keep things mutual. And after mourning over this fact for a few days, I'm over it. Because you guys aren't worth my time, and don't deserve my friendship. And I'm okay with that.

People continuously move in and out of our lives, but the ones that stay are worth every second of your time.

That Green Gentleman (Things Have Changed) by Panic At The Disco

Things are shaping up to be pretty odd
Little deaths in musical beds
So it seems I'm someone I've never met

You will only hear these elegant crimes
Fall on your ears from criminal dimes
They spill unfound from a pretty mouth

Everybody gets there and everybody gets their
And everybody gets their way
I never said I missed her when everybody kissed her
Now I'm the only one to blame

Things have changed for me, and that's okay
I feel the same, I'm on my way, and I say
Things have changed for me, and that's okay

I want to go where everyone goes
I want to know what everyone knows
I want to go where everyone feels the same

I never said I'd leave the city
I never said I'd leave this town
A falling out we won't tiptoe about

Everybody gets there and everybody gets their
And everybody gets their way
I never said I missed her when everybody kissed her
Now I'm the only one to blame

Things have changed for me, and that's okay
I feel the same, I'm on my way and I say
Things have changed for me, and that's okay

Just One More Chance.

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 07:48:57 GMT

So, a new year and a new quarter has started. I'm pretty happy about the professors I have and also the classes that I'm taking. I just had the first class meeting for my Doctor-Patient Relationship seminar, and I am completely obsessed with what I can get out of it already! The reading is pretty incredible and I've only started a few chapters of it. We're reading a book called The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down by Anne Fadiman. It's basically about a Hmong child, Lia, who has severe epilepsy, and how her parents and her doctors communicate with each other to help her. In the Hmong culture, epilepsy is considered a blessing and only "granted" to special people. This is obviously not what our American doctors think. So, I'm really interested in how things play out between both cultures. You should pick up the book if you have time too.

Unfortunately, I did not do as well as I could have last quarter and now I might be dismissed from the Honors Program. That means the potential research credit that I was looking forward to would be gone AND I would have to drop my seminar, since it's a honors class. Sigh. Then I'd have to find a new class to enroll into because I wouldn't be a full-time student. THEN I'd have to rearrange my research hours too. I'm really disappointed in myself that I could let this happen to me. After squeaking by for so long I should have learned my lesson and started to straighten myself out. But instead I continue to watch my GPA inch closer and closer to that 3.0 line. And even if I was given another chance to raise my GPA to stay in Honors, I would need a 4.0 to be taken off probation. Which is pretty much impossible with the second part of Organic Chemistry as a class. But I can dream right?

I just want another chance. Just one more chance to prove myself. A new year, with a new start. No boy friends, no going home every other weekend, and no more distractions. If I mess it up again, then I know for sure that all of this would be my own fault. And I'll learn (painfully) what my limitations are.

Here's to (another) new beginning.
Cheers.

Holiday season~

Fri, 26 Dec 2008 09:35:11 GMT

Wah, so there wasn't that much Christmas spirit; HOWEVER, relatives came over for dinner the night I got back and it was legen... wait for it... DARY! Seventeen whole crabs purchased and fourteen consumed. Pure awesome. After I stuffed myself with like 10 lbs. of crab, I dropped off my Aunt back at her house, and when I came back, there was a Nikon D-60 sitting on the foot of my bed. OMG. Why are parents so tricky with Christmas presents?! Well, either way, OMG I HAVE A NIKON D-60 WITH TWO LENSES. TWO~. Cindy also got me a peacoat from AE, which I am very happy with =].

Today, I went to Annie's casa to deliver her epic present that was sitting in my trunk. And it was pretty fun to watch ;D

I got Evonne Kingdom Hearts: RE Chain of Memories. It's basically the remake of Chain of Memories that was made for the ps2. And the funny part? Right after she opened her present she gave me this look. And the look made me realize.. ... ...? She gave me the exact same game. LOL. Great minds think alike 8).

Happy Holidays everyone =]

Realize

Tue, 23 Dec 2008 10:17:31 GMT

With Christmas rolling around the corner, my seasonal status at Best Buy is really starting to kick in. I'm pretty much working like a full-timer; and I have to say.. it's pretty fun. At least for Digital Imaging department! Wee~ I get to rant to people all day about how camera savvy I am. And it feels GOOD. And it is seriously true when people say they lose track of what day of the week it is when they start to work so much. I still don't know if I really have the dSLR or not because I haven't even been home. Augh. I really feel like I'm missing out on the Christmas spirit this year. No warm house, no Christmas decorations, not even NYSNC Christmas CD! ;O I'm shocked myself. Instead, I get to drive 10 miles in the rain and talk to people who are panicking about not knowing what to get their loved ones. I made cheesecake to fill the void of Christmas spirit. If I had a camera I'd take a picture of it.. but I don't. Haha. Just a plain cheesecake with chocolate graham cracker crust and also chocolate drizzled on the top. Yummyy~ I'll be going home on Christmas Eve and leaving on the Friday afterwards. Some vacation.. hopefully I'll be able to switch shifts with a co-worker so I can go home on Saturday instead. Seasonal sucks.

Being up here in Riverside can get pretty lonely by myself, especially knowing that so many of my friends are in San Diego and hanging out with each other. But what can you do, right? At least I'm making bank. 8) But there are also a couple of reasons why I'm happy I'm not in San Diego, as well. For instance, awkward moments with the group; mostly because Vicky and I are now broken up with a couple of guys in our group. I'm kind of glad I'm not there to be pissed off about people's immaturity about those kinds of situations. Which brings me to my REAL rant..

Why is it that some guys have the stupidest ways of coping with a break-up? And why is it so easy for people to break agreements in break-ups? What I'm really annoyed at is the fact that I was told that things would be mutual, with "no taking sides" between our friends; instead, apparently there's complaining and pity. I HATE it when people pull the pity card on you. I already feel like crap enough, will it really make you feel any better if you shove the pity card in every else's face to make them side with you? Where in the world went the "no taking sides" agreement?! Also, it's really annoying when you know the truth about something, but you're treated like an idiot that doesn't hear about anything. We're humans. We talk, we share news, and it spreads fast. I guess because of what happened, I don't have any right to be concerned. Bottom line, being a dumb emo person does not make me feel sorry; in fact, it makes me angry and frustrated. I'm just reminded of another reason on why our relationship would not work. After everything we've been through, I thought that our memories of each other would at least be some kind of reason on why we can move on with respect for each other and ourselves. There's just too much that we've gone through to make it a bad relationship in the end. And somehow, that's what it's measuring up to: a bad end for a doomed relationship. That's what I think of now. And I'm disappointed that it had to come out like this. All the talk about being "best friends" really doesn't work out as easily as people think it does I guess; or maybe only with my ex-boyfriends. I don't want to think of you that way, so don't make me. Be real.

Real eyes.
Realize.
Real lies.

All I know is that I should...

Tue, 09 Dec 2008 00:59:56 GMT

Not enough.

Wed, 03 Dec 2008 06:41:34 GMT

When your boyfriend makes the same mistakes over and over again, it's never enough to just say "I'm sorry" or "I love you". Turning on the "overly sensitive boyfriend" mode isn't always attractive. I think every guy out there needs to know that even though a girl will fantasize about having her "prince charming" she'll never be happy with a guy like that. Mushy pet names, hundreds of little presents, or even be treated like a princess doesn't make a relationship. Because every girl doesn't just want the romantic part of prince charming. She wants the imperfections, the arguments, the 2 am rantings to her best friend, and the late nights crying about her guy with a bucket of ice cream in her lap. But most of all, she wants to know that no matter how many arguments they have, there's no doubt in the world that they belong together. And any guy who understands this... is probably already married.

DOOMED.

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 09:30:42 GMT

Ah crap, once again I managed to procrastinate MAJORLY towards the end of the quarter and the start of finals. I have an OChem midterm on Friday and also three finals the week after [okay it doesn't sound that bad but I managed to get 4 chapters behind in OChem, Physics, and Bio.. go me.]! And I need 5 more hours of community service to complete!!!!! T__T EPIC FAILURE. How do these people expect us to study for all this?! Effing honors program. In the beginning of the quarter I had too much free time, and now I have almost no time to do anything! Well, okay I lied, I have a lot of time. Stupid television. ARGGG. Not sure if I can continue to work at Best Buy and also go to school. I only had three classes too. Too confident in the beginning, pathetic in the end.

CRY.

Return to Xanga

Sun, 30 Nov 2008 08:43:00 GMT

This is my epic return to xanga! Courtesy of Rosanne Luu.

I guess with so much going on lately I just needed something to ramble on because for some reason I'm rarely on AIM. Anyway, the real reason I have this blog? Here it is: [story time~]

THANKSGIVING was awesome. And so was the pre-thanksgiving dinner! Brian, Alex, and Dan came over to join us for a LEGENDARY dinner filled with LOBSTER. Yeah. It was pretty much the highlight of the whole 1.5 days of Thanksgiving break that I had. Thanksgiving day was a little less exciting but still consisted of stuffing my face for a whole 24 hours. After waking up from a food coma I went back to UCSD to get Alex's laundry so he could wash it at our Aunt's house [it ended up staying in my trunk for a day]; and ANNIE CAME WITH. While I'm at Riverside I've pretty much lost all connection with everyone at home except for my mom and Brian. I like the fact that even though I almost never talk to Annie while I'm away, once I get home or actually do have the chance to talk to her, it's like an explosion of talking. But back to the story. So we went to Tea N More and got some Pudding Milk Tea. Boba in San Diego is way better than Rside [that's what we call Riverside on the streets :P]. Then we went to Brian's house and stuffed our face a little, and then after dropping off Annie back at her place, Alex and I went to our Aunt's place to eat another Thanksgiving dinner. STUFFED. After we ate I found an acoustic guitar upstairs so I ended up messing with that for a while. Turns out it was my Uncle's. Why is it that every asian parent knows how to play some kind of musical instrument. It's like they were ALL IN A BAND TOGETHER. And yeah, it's completely different from Guitar Hero xD. Then the day after I had to go to work on...

BLACK FRIDAY. But before that, Annie, Alex, and I went to target to line up at 5 am for some awesome sales stuff. More like me. BUT WHO CARES. While we were on our way to the electronics section, the whole literally reminded me of the scene in Chuck where the Nerd Herd guys were hiding under the little island in the middle of the store. At that time I was cracking up. I ended up buying: a Green 8gb ipod nano with $15 Gift Card to Target ($145), Memorex ipod dock ($44), Casio 61-key electric piano ($69) [I'm not sure why I bought this but I was in a good mood and I just couldn't pass up the opportunity now that i have a job ;D]. After that we also hit up Best Buy, Circuit City, and also Sports Authority. And here comes the sad part, when I wasn't cracking up. Since I work at Best Buy, I had to go back to Rside to work from 2-10:45 pm. After working ALL DAY, I learned that it really is a lot more fun to raid stores than to be raided. AND. Why is it so difficult for people to find mp3's and ipods in our store?!?! THERE'S A GIANT SIGN WITH "MP3S AND IPODS" ON IT. But it doesn't beat the: "Do you guys have that movie with that one guy in it?" ... WHAT?! That's pretty much what the past 2 days have been like. To make it even worse, a guy from our department bailed on us, so I was pretty much alone to close up at night.

And all of this made me realize that people are really selfish and stupid at the most unreasonable times.

edit//

My dad bought me the NIKON D-60!!! ;O with 18-55 mm & 55-200 mm lense! It also came with a 1 GB memory card and a DSLR camera bag. [Btw this is all hoping that what my dad told me was true because if he wasn't then I will be very sad soon.] After finding all this out I went to the store to price check everything SLR related with my employee discount. And all I would like to say is.. !!